Fisher
Hey, y’all! We’re not dead after all!
Hazel
Speak for yourself. I feel like death.
Fisher
2022 a beast, but here we are at the finish line, almost!
Hazel
That’s right! Welcome to the first event for the Chasing Paper Anniversary Cup!
EVENT RULES
- AS ALL THINGS SHOULD BE: This is a mixed spec race. Racers use the stats for GT4, GT5 BOP, and GT6 BOP.
- HEATED WHEELS: All racers go FLAT OUT each turn but gain no Focus. Course trajectory is laid out after the roll is made, and caution results are still observed.
- NON-ALCOHOLIC: This race is for fun and not meant to be too serious. Rules judgement and enforcement is relaxed accordingly.
- SEASONED FRIES: This event is worth Season Points, based on placement at the end of the race.
STARTING POSITIONS
- Van Hailin’ (Orange/GT5) – Jordan ‘Hammer’ Cox in the Mercedes 300 SL
- Pumped Up Kits (Green/GT5) – Jacob ‘Have Mercy’ Ballard in the Aston Martin DB5
- Race Ventura (Purple/GT4) – Leon Wheeler in the Volvo P1800
- Kickin Assphalt (Blue/GT6) – Peter ‘Devil’ Hill in the Bentley Continental
- Not Fast But Furious (Red/GT4) – Lauren ‘Swagger’ Quinn in the Alfa Romeo Giulia
- Baby Got Track (Yellow/GT6) – Merle ‘Mule’ Hastings in the Porsche 911
TOUR DE TABLETOP VIRTUAL SPEEDWAY – CORE TRACK 5 (ASPHALT – DRY)
Round 1
Hazel
And “Have Mercy” takes the lead at Corner 1!
Fisher
It looks like neither of our GT-6s were able to get to their full potential this round either, between “Devil’s” rolls and “Mule” coming right up against that hazardous turn. Taking that at Gear 6 would have meant a Loss of Control!
Hazel
Correct! And as this is a GT race, movement is decided by speed first! So even though our champion “Hammer” had first move, now it’ll be “Have Mercy” starting the next round!
Round 2
Hazel
And Peter Hill loses control of the Blue GT-6, causing him to spin out!
Fish
Both GT-6s are in the rear right now, actually. Are the curves here just too deadly for them?
Round 3
Fisher
Hey, y’all! We’re not dead after all!
Hazel
Speak for yourself. I feel like death.
Round 4
Fisher
Mule kicks it into high gear, weaving around Wheeler, Have Mercy, and Hammer… and right into a bottle neck.
Hazel
That really messes up everyone else since he’s in 4th gear and it makes it so Hammer is blocked and slows everyone else down.
Fisher
Yeah, except for the slower cars who now have an opening. This allows Have Mercy and Wheeler to get a comfortable distance ahead.
Round 5
Fisher
Have Mercy sure isn’t showing any today.
Hazel
I really thought the three lanes would make it easier for all six cars to move around, but it certainly didn’t look like it.
Fisher
Not really, and now there’s locked into a two lane Death Star trench approach.
Round 6
Fisher
So we finally start seeing Have Mercy using that GT-5 turbo boost!
Hazel
Not that it does him any good, as Wheeler puts everything he has into catching up and breaking even.
Fisher
And another bottle neck in the back causes some interesting blocking and tactical choses.
Round 7
Fisher
And Wheeler shoots out ahead! Being in a lower gear, that hairpin wasn’t too big of a deal.
Hazel
Yeah but with no more corners, it’s a straight shot to the checkered flag and Have Mercy won’t have anything to keep him in check.
Round 8
Fisher
First Place goes to whoever can cross the finish line first, and Wheeler is closer, but it’s not a sure thing.
Hazel
Something to remember is that Die Hard is a 4 course series, and all racers will get points today. It’s still anyone’s cup!
Round 9
Hazel
And Have Mercy takes it!
Fisher
Wheeler takes a very, VERY close second place.
Round 10
Fisher
And our 2021 Champion Hammer takes 3rd place.
Hazel
Sympathy for the Devil, who’s bringing up the rear, never having really recovered from that crash.
Round 11
Fisher
In 4th, Mule!
Hazel
Swagger taking 5th.
Round 12
Hazel
Devil in 6th, and that’s it!
Fisher
Let’s take a look at the Winner’s Circle!
WINNERS CIRCLE
- Pumped Up Kits (Green/GT5) – Jacob ‘Have Mercy’ Ballard in the Aston Martin DB5 – 25 Season Points
- Race Ventura (Purple/GT4) – Leon Wheeler in the Vwolvo P1800 – 18 Season Points
- Van Hailin’ (Orange/GT5) – Jordan ‘Hammer’ Cox in the Mercedes 300 SL – 15 Season Points
- Baby Got Track (Yellow/GT6) – Merle ‘Mule’ Hastings in the Porsche 911 – 12 Season Points
- Not Fast But Furious (Red/GT4) – Lauren ‘Swagger’ Quinn in the Alfa Romeo Giulia – 10 Season Points
- Kickin Assphalt (Blue/GT6) – Peter ‘Devil’ Hill in the Bentley Continental – 8 Season Points
