Hazel:
It’s August, and you know what that means?
Fisher:
Pumpkin Spice flavored everything?
Hazel:
Soon! But also, it means it’s time for our special announcement and event!
Fisher:
Right! Today’s event is the last race we’ll be holding at Candlekeep Cove Raceway!
Hazel:
Construction of a brand new track is already underway, so we’re going to say our goodbyes to the Cove the only way we know how: by crowning the King of the Mountain!
Fisher:
Today’s track comes from the Rallyman Universe Discord where user sproutchu has posted a series of Hill Climb stages from their corner of the world, the Laurenrians. This first stop is Mont-Tremblant in Québec, Canada!
Hazel:
A ski resort?!? The Gumball Machine gave us three Free Agents all looking to claim this royal honor, and they’ll need to brave both the mountain and the snow to wear the crown!
EVENT RULES
- GUMBALL MACHINE: Racers were determined by random pulls, and are using their listed Racer Roster specs.
- HEATED WHEELS: All racers go FLAT OUT each turn but gain no Focus. Course trajectory is laid out after the roll is made, and caution results are still observed.
- NON-ALCOHOLIC: This race is for fun and not meant to be too serious. Rules judgement and enforcement is relaxed accordingly.
STARTING POSITIONS
- Eduardo ‘Burnout’ Bong in the gray 1968 Chevrolet Nova (#0316, GT-5)
- Hayden ‘Hawkeyes’ Haley in the pink Adventure Truck (#0215, R5)
- Grave Digger Translucent Monster Truck (11001VDM, Unlimited)
CANDLEKEEP COVE RACEWAY – Laurentians Climb Series: Mont-Tremblant (HILL CLIMB)
Round 1
Fisher:
Here at Mont-Tremblant, our racers will have to start climbing almost right away, which puts a significant strain on their cars, forcing them to use Boost dice or have to slow down as they fight to escape gravity.
Hazel:
Eduardo ‘Burnout’ Bing has a… unique approach. He’s gonna hit that jump hard to see if he can some height up on that ascending curve.
Fisher:
What is this, Tears of the Kingdom Jumping to save on climbing stamina?
Hazel:
Can’t be Tears, the Nova didn’t blow up.
Fisher:
Good point. We’re doing staggered starts here, so that’s it for the opening round of this event!
Round 2
Hazel:
We’ve seen quite a few Adventure Trucks here at Candlekeep Cove, but this is Hayden ‘Hawkeyes’ Haley’s official debut. He’s taking a different approach, going slow over the jump to start the climb in a higher gear. But will that pay off and help him catch up to Burnout?
Fisher:
As this is a DIRT event, we measure progress by Distance before Speed, so even if Hawkeyes has the higher Gear, Burnout will move first as long as he is further along the track.
Hazel:
Which makes me really wonder why Burnout didn’t take that shortcut, but maybe he was wary of picking up more Cautions as the GT-5/R can’t off-road as easily.
Round 3
Fisher:
Funny you should mention roads, as Burnout spotted another jump…
Hazel:
We’re all creatures of habit. Burnout jumped and now Hawkeyes is pushing the speed limit right to the edge.
Fisher:
And following behing is Grave Digger, in a slow and steady march.
Hazel:
Did he even notice that jump?
Fisher:
Unlikely. We do need to break for a word from our sponsor, but did you see our special guest in the audience?
Hazel:
Is that?!?
Fisher:
GRAVE DIGGER! Stompin’ on the Gumball Rally!
Hazel:
What a way to exert dominance! It just goes to show, it’s a monster truck world and we’re just living in it.
Round 4
Fisher:
Grave Digger is gonna show everyone how it’s done. Barreling through that first shortcut, he has to draw from the Damage Token Bag, but his “A Little Dirt Never Hurt Nobody” lets him draw twice when suffering damage from the track and choose a token to keep. Between Weather Change and -1 Speed, he chose the latter. The speed limit on that hex is lowered as dirt and rocks — and probably whole trees — are sprayed out all over the track to make room for the monster.
Hazel:
Meanwhile, Burnout’s Chevy Nova fords a water hazard without having to caulk the wagon and slides into a drift while Hawkeyes pushes himself through the jump to try and think that lead as much as possible.
Round 5
Fisher:
So inspired by GD, Burnout swings out of that drift and uses the jump to carry him right off the path and right into that shortcut. Adding a Hazard to his roll and having to draw a Damage Token, he gets an OK! Yanking on that handbrake, he’s pulled off a very muddy bootlegger turn and comes sailing out of it harm free!
Hazel:
Hawkeyes isn’t far behind him, but not making as progress as he’d have hoped. Grave Digger on the other hand, takes a jump and water hazard in equal stride and is looking at that Adventure Truck with hungry tires!
Round 6
Fisher:
Burnout is making the most of his lead, but is struggling a bit to climb up the last of the dirt road. Only gonna get trickier in the back half of this!
Hazel:
Neither Hawkeyes or Grave Digger try to cut that corner, and they are getting ever closer!
Round 7
Fisher:
Hawkeyes finally gets bold and takes a shortcut…
Hazel:
And takes some tire damage as a result. Not the best time to lose a die…
Fisher:
It’s a good think Hawkeyes was able to push up into Gear 5, it’s literally the only thing keeping Grave Digger off his roof.
Hazel:
The crowd is loving this! GD can smell the blood in the air now, and the less Hawkeyes can move, the easier it’ll be for Grave Digger to bury him 6 feet under!
Round 8
Fisher:
Burnout having to be more careful now that his brakes are useless crossing into snow, has to queue up for Corner 9, unable to get into it.
Hazel:
If Hawkeyes drops below Gear 5, he’s toast. Also no brakes because of the snow and the coast damage keeping him from his dreams of seeing Burnout up close.
Fisher:
Grave Digger being an Unlimited spec means he chose to lose only one Brake Die for switching to snow, but also sacrificed his Boost Die. We’ll see if that gamble pays off!
Round 9
Hazel:
Hawkeyes is still skating on thin ice as Grave Digger leans on his door!
Fisher:
While Burnout is pushing that Nova to the limit climbing the last hill, this is going to slow him down.
Round 10
Hazel:
Hawkeyes finally slows down, and I thought Grave Digger would be crushing him, but that corner proves to be too tricky for GD to go over or around.
Fisher:
Burnout is now having the opposite issue he was last turn. He’s peaked and having to hold down the brakes to avoid flying off the track, which is gonna be hard without Brake dice!
Round 11
Hazel:
Hawkeyes and Grave Digger continue teasing us with the slowest burn love story in history. Will they or won’t they smash?!?
Fisher:
You’re too invested in this. “Cool hand” Burnout, however, has slid down the hill and is now approaching the final twists!
Round 12
Round 13
Round 14
Hazel:
Burnout skates past the finish line first!
Fisher:
Once the two lovers cross — star crossed? — as well, well check in with Commissioner C for the times to see who did it best.
Round 15
Round 16
Round 17
Round 18
Hazel:
Even at the line, Hawkeyes refuses GD. That Gear 5 kept him at arms’ length the whole time.
Round 19
Fisher:
Brutal run, let’s see the numbers…
WINNERS CIRCLE
- Eduardo ‘Burnout’ Bong in the gray 1968 Chevrolet Nova (#0316, GT-5) – 5:35
- Hayden ‘Hawkeyes’ Haley in the pink Adventure Truck (#0215, R5) – 5:55
- Grave Digger Translucent Monster Truck (11001VDM, Unlimited) – 7:50
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