Hazel:
Happy Labor Day from Big Mike’s Garage!
Fisher:
We couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate the achievements of the American worker than by throwing down some checkered flags!
Hazel:
And what better way to do it than to break in this new track! Welcome to our new home: Hayford Heights!
Fisher:
In Microcity GP Qualifier at Hayford Heights we had seven real-time heats to determine starting placement for this event, but the surprises don’t end there.
Hazel:
That’s right, we’ve got a new experimental track with all new prototype pieces, and a new prototype racer spec: Formula One!
EVENT RULES
- HEATED WHEELS: All racers go FLAT OUT each turn but gain no Focus. Course trajectory is laid out after the roll is made, and caution results are still observed.
- NON-ALCOHOLIC: This race is for fun and not meant to be too serious. Rules judgement and enforcement is relaxed accordingly.
- SEASONED FRIES: This event is worth Season Points, based on placement at the end of the race.
STARTING POSITIONS
- Pumped Up Kits – Jenson Vandenberg in the green Formula One (F1)
- Kickin Assphalt – Everette Rubingh III in the blue Formula One (F1)
- Race Ventura – Kurt Knight in the purple Formula One (F1)
- Van Hailin’ – Krystian Sawicki in the orange Formula One (F1)
- Not Fast But Furious – Jean Bourque in the red Formula One (F1)
- Baby Got Track – Kari Haapalainen in the yellow Formula One (F1)
Fisher:
For this event, we’re using the proto 1.0 version of the F1 racer stats from Jean-Christophe Bouvier. This means all six teams will be on the exact same footing as they have matching stats. The new cars (along with some new surprises) were procured from https://www.bouvier-international.com/ directly for this event!
Hazel:
And under those open-wheel, open-cockpit cars is a test layout for Le Mans from the designer as well!
HAYFORD HEIGHTS – LE MANS (ASPHALT – DRY)
Round 1
Fisher:
Le Mans has all sorts of new twists and turns to navigate, so let’s see how well our new F1 racers do with it!
Hazel:
So far, it looks like a very traditional bottle-neck, but that’s to be expected. There is a LOT of track to go yet, however, so I’m sure they will find a way to spread out.
Fisher:
Oh, I’m sure of it! But as this is something of an endurance race, we need to pace ourselves a bit. So you know what that means, right?
Hazel:
I’m afraid I do. A commercial break! We’ll continue after a word from our sponsors!
Round 2
Fisher:
Good news, everyone! We’re back!
Hazel:
Bad news though, Everette Rubingh III attempted to break up the bottle neck and sunk his positional lead into the turf as he loses control!
Fisher:
This allows Jenson Vandenberg to remain in the lead!
Hazel:
Kurt Knight also learns a lesson in humility as he crashes off of the track.
Fisher:
It’s going from bad news to worse news though…
Hazel:
And here comes the rain! Well, we wanted an interesting race and we’re nit 3ven fully last Corner 2!
Round 3
Round 4
Fisher:
Everette Rubingh III tried for a Flying Start and succeeded, but got blocked by Jean Bourque anyway. Kurt Knight did not have any trouble sliding up next to Not Fast But Furious, however.
Round 5
Round 6
Round 7
Round 8
Round 9
Hazel:
Krystian Sawicki and Kari Haapalainen struggle through the corner and opt to take a Pit Stop and replace their asphalt tires for rain tires, hoping more grip will help them catch up to Jenson Vandenberg’s lead.
Round 10
Fisher:
Everyone is out of the pits and back on the track, but all jammed up on the same corner. They’re gonna need to break up this party if they wanna make any actual progress however.
Round 11
Hazel:
There’s still a herd mentality, but Jenson Vandenberg has crossed the line into Lap 2!
Round 12
Round 13
Round 14
Hazel:
It looks like the Block Party may be forming a Conga Line!
Round 15
Round 16
Round 17
Round 18
Round 19
Fisher:
In an effort to catch up, Krystian was Van HaUlin’ but lost control! Bad news: this damage is going to reduce their Gear and Coast dice by 1 each!
Hazel:
Possible good news though, the rain cleared up while the track crew was out sweeping up!
Fisher:
Krystian and Karl both were in Rain Tires, so they’ll be at a disadvantage until they can switch back, besides any damage.
Round 20
Fisher:
Karl Haapalainen takes advantage of the hairpin corner to pull over and swap out those Rain Tires.
Hazel:
The leapfrog game-within-a-game that Everette and Kurt are playing is VERY cute.
Fisher:
So cute! Krystian shows some PDA to their tires as well, hitting the pit to do a full swap and damage repair.
Hazel:
This puts even back on the same footing, correct?
Fisher:
It does, and with Jenson Vandenberg closing in on the lap line, everyone will need their full strength if they want to take him down.
Round 21
Round 22
Round 23
Round 24
Round 25
Hazel:
Jensen Vandenberg has taken Corner 5 too sharply and has crashed! Thankfully he wasn’t at a high enough speed to sustain damage, but it was enough to put him in 00 gear.
Fisher:
Will this be enough of an opening for Kurt Knight to sweep in though?!
Hazel:
We’ll have to find out after a word from these sponsors!
Round 26
Round 27
Fisher:
Pumped Up Kits is back on the track!
Hazel:
Too bad Kicking Assphalt was right there in Gear 6, cutting the re-entry short.
Round 28
Hazel:
For a moment I thought Kicking Assphalt was going to block in Race Ventura as well, but Kurt Knight isn’t backing down.
Fisher:
Unfortunately Not Fat But Furious slid out of that turn into the turf, so they’ll lose some momentum to Baby Got Track. Still a lot of position changes as we close in on half way through this race.
Round 29
Round 30
Round 31
Round 32
Fisher:
Baby HAD Track, now Baby has severe engine damage!
Round 33
Rounds 34
Round 35
Fisher:
More absolutely expert blocking by Kicking Assphalt, this time keeping Race Ventura right where he wants him.
Round 36
Hazel:
We’re officially in Lap 4 and that means we’re in the back half of this race!
Round 37
Round 38
Round 39
Round 40
Fisher:
And Pumped Up Kits takes a straight line… Right into the infield.
Hazel:
Losing all three Brake dice for any of these F1 drivers is a death knell. This is gonna set Vandenberg back for sure.
Hazel:
Not Fast But Furious must have been jealous, as they’re now in the turf. Slower speed and less dangerous track piece, but that Gear damage isn’t gonna make this easier.
Round 41
Round 42
Hazel:
Not Fast But Furious was able to get right up behind Van Hailin’ but they would have pulled a long side if not for the Gear damage. We’ll see if not
Round 43
Round 44
Fisher:
Another Loss of Control for Pumped Up Kits. F1 has been absolutely BRUTAL for these teams.
Hazel:
Some teams more than others…
Round 45
Round 46
Fisher:
Race Ventura and Kickin Assphalt taking this duel seriously and right over the lap marker into Lap 5, open-wheel-to-open-wheel.
Round 47
Round 48
Round 49
Round 50
Round 51
Round 52
Round 53
Round 54
Hazel:
Oof, the way Not Fast But Furious cut off Van Hailin’ was cold, but then Pumped Up Kits locked Sawicki in the walk-in freezer.
Round 55
Fisher:
Kickin Assphalt just barely got past Race Ventura, but in such a higher gear that he effectively corner locked Kurt Knight. Is there a personal beef we aren’t aware of?
Round 56
Hazel:
You may be onto something about this being personal. Kurt Knight suffers another Loss of Control. Low speed means this doesn’t warrant a pull from the damage bag, but it’s still a setback.
Round 57
Fisher:
Well, whatever is going on, Kickin Assphalt now has a pretty decent lead and the pile position in this, the final lap.
Hazel:
At one point we thought no one could ever catch up to Pumped Up Kits, so there’s still a lot of road and anything can happen!
Round 58
Round 59
Round 60
Round 61
Round 62
Round 63
Round 64
Round 65
Hazel:
First and second place seem like foregone conclusions at this point.
Fisher:
I agree, but that still leaves one podium space — and it’s Season Points — up for grabs.
Round 66
Hazel:
And BLUE from Kickin Assphalt takes first!
Round 67
Round 68
Round 69
Round 70
Round 71
Round 72
WINNERS CIRCLE
- Kickin Assphalt – Everette Rubingh III in the blue Formula One (F1) – 25 Points
- Race Ventura – Kurt Knight in the purple Formula One (F1) – 18 Points
- Van Hailin’ – Krystian Sawicki in the orange Formula One (F1) – 15 Points
- Pumped Up Kits – Jenson Vandenberg in the green Formula One (F1) – 12 Points
- Baby Got Track – Kari Haapalainen in the yellow Formula One (F1) – 10 Points
- Not Fast But Furious – Jean Bourque in the red Formula One (F1) – 8 Points
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